Exponential Growth

With the addition of my daughter Maggie and my friend and mentor Drew Carillo, our readership has tripled in little under a week!  Thanks to all our faithful followers.  I think my typing speed has improved, too, because I can now hit the backspace key without even looking.

Drew has asked some good questions.  Did you see them?  Thanks for lobbing me the soft balls, Drew.  I will now attempt to knock them outta the park:

Q1:  Is there such a thing as a maintenance-free yard?

A:    Nope.  Even the most naturalized, xeriscaped yards need occasional weeding, irrigation maintenance and things like that. Hell, even parking lots get weeds in the cracks, blown-in garbage, and stuff.   But obviously, some yards need waaay less maintenance than others.

Q2:  Is that landscape fabric they tell me to put under everything (gravel, woodchips, mulch) really worth the money?

A:    Nope.  Not in my opinion, anyway.  It's been my experience that weeds grow anyway.  The barrier cloth prevents seedlings from sending up shoots, which means weed seeds under the cloth can't grow.  But even under gravel, dust and silt gather in sufficient quantities that weed seeds can eventually start above the cloth.  Their roots can penetrate downward more easily than their shoots can penetrate upward, so you end up with weeds rooted through the barrier cloth.  Then when you go to pull them out, you pull up the cloth, too, which makes it look like crap.  That stuff's hard to re-bury, as you probably know.  We spend a lot more time taking barrier cloths out than we do putting them in.  So how to control the weeds?  Pull 'em while they're young.  Try pouring boiling water on them, or get one of those flamethrower weed killer things at a home store or nursery.  Pre-emergent weed killers are very effective, too.  They form a gaseous underground layer that kills the weed as soon as it germinates.  They will deform or kill your bulbs and tender perennials, though, so be careful to read the instructions.

Q3:  Is it always cheaper to fix an older sprinkler system, rather than replace it?

A:    Nope.  Usually though, it is, or can be.  Re-doing your old system can save water $$ in the long run, because you can tailor it exactly, creating zones with drips, others with sprays, and others with rotors for maximum efficiency.  No sense giving your yucca the same amount as your lawn.

Q4:  Sod or seed?

A:    Sod, usually.  In our dry climate it's really tough to keep enough water on a seeded area without creating rivulets due to runoff.  And imagine the mud in your house if you have a kid or a dog.  Sod is grown around here by folks who grow sod for a living.  It's all good stuff, though some brands are better than others.  There's lots of varieties, too, for differing aesthetic, water, and maintenance needs.  Seeding has its place, though.  Overseeding is an easy and effective way to rehab patchy and bald areas, such as the trough the dog makes where it runs along the fence or whatever.  And then there's this great big field, maybe eight acres, next to the Home Savings Bank in Draper.  It's perfectly flat and was planted with seed.  It looks great, but I bet it costs a fortune to irrigate.

Q5:  Is there a way to make a political statement about the waste in resources and money of a Kentucky Bluegrass lawn in the desert, without alienating all your neighbors by refusing to water your own lawn, and having it turn to sand?

A:   When I was growing up in New Jersey, my dad used to get irritated by Mr. Haller across the street, because Mr. Haller didn't water his lawn all summer.  But Mr. Haller knew that bluegrass is drought tolerant.  That doesn't mean it looks good without water, but that it can rebound after not having any for a long time.  When the heat broke and it rained a lot, his lawn got green.  My dad, however, hated the wait, so I guess the answer is Nope again.  Incidentally, the brown blades of grass don't turn green again, but new green blades grow in to fill their space.  It takes a while.  Your neighbors can go to hell.

Q6:  What's the best way to bring your lawn back from turning to sand?

A:    See Mr. Haller's lawn, and maybe overseed it.  Water and wait.

Q7:  Apple or PC?

A:    I'm using a PC, and I'm an illiterate spaz.  Christy is a computer whiz.  She's Apple all the way.  Maybe PCs are superior, because even I can use one.  Maybe Apples, though, because nobody wants to be on Christy's bad side.

Q8:  And finally, how's the running coming?

A:    Drew got me interested in running by his own example and encouragement.  He just finished an ultra marathon in Moab.  He introduced me to a website called Couch-to-5K, designed to get potatoes like me off the couch and running a 5k in only two months.  I'm now in week two, having graduated to running a minute and a half at a time, with only a two minute interval for walking.  Run time will increase as walk time decreases.  I bought running shoes and a stopwatch, and have been following the program faithfully, even going for longer sessions than they recommend.  But my knees are killing me, and I think I might have to back off a little.  Besides, I'm totally in shape now.